I’ve noticed a pattern in my own language use this week. One of the modules this term looks at language. I’m finding it rather boring; it’s the basic things we learnt in about a week of English lessons, being dragged out across 6-7 weeks [10 in all] and I’ve noticed if I say something [which is, from my knowledge, basic] I then feel I have to, pretty much explain why I know that. It’s like I can’t let people think I’m intelligent. [not that I am, but the idea of shying away from making people think I am is still kind of the opposite of what we do in early school years].
I went to a private secondary school. We had to take an entrance exam. One side of my family just
went “of course you’ll get in, you’re smart” and form then on I was labelled.
That label meant I didn’t get praised for effort. Everything must have been effortless for me, because “I was smart”. I stopped paying attention in class and basically stopped learning. I have a GCSE in Geography. I don’t remember revising a single hour for it; we were spoon-fed enough to pass. You could not try and get a C. [I did get 7/10 grades A*-B by the way, before you all form an opinion of me =P ]
Is it sad that a psychology student in her forth year of psychological study [A-levels + degree] realised THIS WEEK, why she doesn’t put effort into things?
Ah well. Better late than never, right? I think I’ve written a post before about how I suddenly found this love of learning and that doing Psychology or English background reading was enjoyable. I think it was September when I looked at the Open University English Language and Linguistics courses, and this week the language lectures have made me second guess my choice of degree.
Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE psychology. The biology and cognition, even some of the development stuff. The social psychology is boring, but I don’t like people, so that’s to be expected.
However, in English Language at A level; I actually ENJOYED writing a timed essay under exam conditions [I mean, who does that?!]. I memorised the IPA chart without being asked nor told to; just for the fun of it. I have a MAJOR passion to learn about Linguistics and the English Language. I also have a passion to learn Gaelic, Icelandic, Finnish, Japanese & German [Did at GCSE].
Once more I’m back to passions without plans. Plans without ACTION. I think I’m still looking for a quick fix; a swift result. Even a small result would be enough to keep me going. However, I don’t think I’ve ever kept up a practise long enough to see results.
So, for this whole English thing:
I’ll come out of University in £25,000 DEBT.
I’ll likely have to move back home as I’ve no form of income and I’m not sure I could even live three weeks on my savings (which I’d [realistically] need to do [minimum] in order to apply for, attend interview for and then get a job).
In Love and Light,
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