Analysis of Self

I’ve noticed a pattern in my own language use this week. One of the modules this term looks at language. I’m finding it rather boring; it’s the basic things we learnt in about a week of English lessons, being dragged out across 6-7 weeks [10 in all] and I’ve noticed if I say something [which is, from my knowledge, basic] I then feel I have to, pretty much explain why I know that. It’s like I can’t let people think I’m intelligent. [not that I am, but the idea of shying away from making people think I am is still kind of the opposite of what we do in early school years].

I went to a private secondary school. We had to take an entrance exam. One side of my family just

went “of course you’ll get in, you’re smart” and form then on I was labelled.

That label meant I didn’t get praised for effort. Everything must have been effortless for me, because “I was smart”. I stopped paying attention in class and basically stopped learning. I have a GCSE in Geography. I don’t remember revising a single hour for it; we were spoon-fed enough to pass. You could not try and get a C. [I did get 7/10 grades A*-B by the way, before you all form an opinion of me =P ]

Is it sad that a psychology student in her forth year of psychological study [A-levels + degree] realised THIS WEEK, why she doesn’t put effort into things?

Ah well. Better late than never, right?  I think I’ve written a post before about how I suddenly found this love of learning and that doing Psychology or English background reading was enjoyable.  I think it was September when I looked at the Open University English Language and Linguistics courses, and this week the language lectures have made me second guess my choice of degree.

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE psychology. The biology and cognition, even some of the development stuff. The social psychology is boring, but I don’t like people, so that’s to be expected.

However, in English Language at A level; I actually ENJOYED writing a timed essay under exam conditions [I mean, who does that?!]. I memorised the IPA chart without being asked nor told to; just for the fun of it. I have a MAJOR passion to learn about Linguistics and the English Language. I also have a passion to learn Gaelic, Icelandic, Finnish, Japanese & German [Did at GCSE].

Once more I’m back to passions without plans. Plans without ACTION. I think I’m still looking for a quick fix; a swift result. Even a small result would be enough to keep me going. However, I don’t think I’ve ever kept up a practise long enough to see results.

So, for this whole English thing:

I’ll come out of University in £25,000 DEBT.

I’ll likely have to move back home as I’ve no form of income and I’m not sure I could even live three weeks on my savings (which I’d [realistically] need to do [minimum] in order to apply for, attend interview for and then get a job).

So..

What do you think I should do?
Open University Course (While Working Toward Psychology Training)
Second UG Degree at Sussex
Specialise in Psycholinguistics
Just Read Language books in free time
Look into Night School Courses
Give Up
Open University Course (Once I have a psychology job – 5 years time)

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In Love and Light,
~Rose
Related Posts:   Motivation, The Hows

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