Unfortunately, most of the material I would be using for posts is going into my novel. My goal form the other day was to reach 24k tonight. I’ve now lowered the deadline to 8pm as my friend is coming over then and I won’t be able to work on it. I’m up to 23,600 odd words; which is so close but still too far away to get me into the swing of it. I don’t feel too close to it. Things have slowed in the story and I’m trying to decipher plotlines amidst the rubble.
So, a couple of snapshots from the week:
One of the books I’m reading, The Mindful Woman (64), mentioned laziness the other day. I could almost feel my ears perk up. It stated that pessimism is akin to laziness (in some cases). I think for me, this was true for a while. In my younger teens, I fell into depression due to various factors and although I’d been told about positive thinking, mantras, finding beauty, simplicity and zen Buddhism, I got to the point of revelling in the negative. It was so effortless. Being happy; smiling and keeping your voice enthusiastic, it takes energy.
I shopped today. Usually I spent £15-20. Today I spent £41 >_<
Standing in line at the check-out, I found myself smiling at a child two ‘rows’ along who was starting to make a fuss. The man with her crouched down so his face was level with hers (she was sitting in the trolley seat) and started talking to her softly. I loved seeing someone who seems to understand that kids don’t play up or make noise to be a pain; they do it because one of their needs isn’t being met. I know I’m going to have days when I’m a mother; where I’ll just want to turn and tell my child to shush; but I hope I’ll be mostly in a mindful state of awareness. If it’s fussing is it hungry, tired or bored? Can I distract her/him? In a lot of cases the child doesn’t understand WHY we’re standing around waiting for something. Explain to them in their language. They’re freakin’ children for the love of fruit flies; and should be treated as young humans; not as adults with our knowledge of society and lines; nor as animals who can be “trained”. [I don’t think animals should be treated like this but that’s a whole other post.]
Good points about spending £40 on shopping:
- Don’t need to shop for a couple weeks – can ask a friend to pick up fresh fruit (two items) or get it at University with milk and bread.
- I got to use my “get 200 nectar points” voucher which I had to spend over £35 to be eligible for.
- As the person at the front of my line had to have something checked; I stood not able to do anything for a good five minutes. I found the gap in my life a wonderful chance tp smile at a child, to look around and listen, to observe people, to see what others were buying this evening and just take a moment out of my “always-busy” mindset we’re so often taught is “best”.
- Carrying all that home [blerg! :P]
- The feeling of loss of money
- The “do I really need all this” guilt.
- Realising I picked up the cheaper cucumber [tastes iffy] because I was worried about my new item [not shopping MINDFULLY]
Walking to the bus stop Monday morning and this afternoon, the sun shone regardless of the grey clouds drifting away and the temperature was a lovely neutral. I felt very comfortable to throw my arms out in joy (regardless of the odd looks it earned me).
How has your week been?
P.S. Tonight’s NaNo word count was 23,674, an addition of 2901 words. If you remember, I’d aimed for 24k; but I thought this was close enough.