My meditation and mindfulness group is over until Spring Term. Likewise, Circus Society finishes on Wednesday. I’ve still 1/3 lab reports to do, along with a PowerPoint presentation and an exam to revise for which is worth 50% of my grade. It’s going to be a busy week, with not much time to reflect.
Reading one of the blogs off my sidebar, my interest in knitting has been sparked again. I learnt to knit as a child and enjoyed it, but those two needles are half way through a bright green… something or rather, in the loft somewhere… This time next weekend I’ll be on my way home and I think it’s one of the first things I want to do – find those needles and see if I can remember how to knit/look it up on the web.When my SO came down this term to visit, he asked “what on earth do you do with all this free time, without a TV?” and he had a rather big point. I don’t have much to do once I’ve read blogs. Sometimes my eyes sting from looking at the screen too much for too many days in a row; and I’m thinking some form of creative outlet would be useful. I could finid my cross-stitch cat; which I started when I was seven, and most people could probably finish in two days – and finish the other half of that.
Those who know me, know I follow my own trends and obsessions over new things – some reoccur ~ such as my wills to be eco-friendly and self sufficient; things that I obsess over for a week or three and then forget about for a month, before going back to obsessing again. It’s very possible knitting is another example as this, but during these obsessive stints, I love the time I spend doing them. It’s a common want for me – I dig myself into creativity during the winter months – perhaps it’s humanistic desire to keep busy so as not to be affected by the loss of sunlight and warmth in our lives; I don’t know.
Here, I can’t sing as much as I want; I lack the confidence to attempt new recipes due to the judging nature of housemates, and I don’t have my sketching or watercolour pencils with me. My poetry is amateur at best for now, and I find myself in need of something else. Something slightly challenging but which will lead me into something I can perhaps perform mindlessly (or mindfully, if I so wish).
I went shopping with an old friend on Thursday and spent far too much money. It was tiring and by the end of the day we did have a disagreement over something; but considering I’ve only spent the day with her once before, I call it a teething issue. Thankfully, most of my presents are now sorted out.
It’s going to be a hectic week, and this fact makes me want to relax this weekend in preparation. Unfortunately, life doesn’t work this way. I have to get certain things done this weekend to make sure that my hectic week is humanly possible to get everything done in; and that involves doing some work this weekend.
And tonight I cooked in an empty and quiet kitchen. I put sauce and herbs into my noodles without fear of judging and unskilled criticisms. I felt a little more like myself again. Free to experiment with my life, to make the mundane magic through creativity.
I came to a wonderfully freeing epiphany last night. It didn’t surprise me; as if I’d always known- just never proclaimed it, never verbalised it specifically. If I could be with any human in the world, dead or alive, famous or non, I’d be with my current partner. That may sound obvious, but i’m counting every celebrity and fictional character (and I read Nora Roberts novels – those male characters always sound perfect).