Something’s telling me that this period, between Beltain and Litha is one of reflection. And that would squarely put me in the recreating, stripping down and reclaiming section, to fit in the “i can now rebuild myself since i’ve faced everything” just as autumn/winter set in. Just as I start my life at University. A new place. A new education system. A new course. A new place to live. Have to shop for myself. To get a job. To make friends. To work out how best to communicate with people.
I rarely leave the house. I go to college, walk home, and go to bed. Sunday morning’s I go to karate, I come home, work and sleep. I never go out. How I’ll manage to do that at University I have no clue. But what I do know is this time now is for facing fears.
My nightmares, the lack of sleep between the nightmares, panic attacks at silver eyes, obsessions suddenly more important.
Some nights I struggle to hold back the tears, and other nights I feel calm and loved. Such is the way of teenage emotions. I have so much on my mind, but I’ve found my old escape. I’m reading my third trilogy by Nora Roberts. The characters in her stories come from a bad past; take the pieces and run away, and rebuild. And they all have happy endings.
Let’s hope my own life story can end in a similar way.
~I want to send hugs to Dianne. My thoughts are with you.~